A Degree in Independence - Post Secondary Crossroads

March 11, 2018 by Dave Dame

This is the time of year where soon to be graduating high school students learn which Universities or Colleges they have been accepted in. They now have to make the gut wrenching decision of where to go. They will look at many factors - programs, reputation, scholarships/bursaries, etc.

This made me think back to when I had to make the same difficult decision. In addition to what other kids had to consider, having Cerebral Palsy, using a power wheelchair, and needing to find personal care to help me shower, dress, etc. This made the decision even more incredibly difficult.

I was torn between my loves of Computer Science and Business. Also, what was seeming attractive was to take a year off to discover myself like some of my other friends. I was really struggling.

My dad was watching me struggling to decide. He said, “Let’s be real, your not going to be a policeman, fireman, or construction worker. You know what else your not going to be? Living under my roof for free the rest of your life! You better decide.”

My dad had a way to be direct and real…

Only now I can appreciate what anxiety my parents were going through. Not only were they going to have their youngest leave home to start their life journey, but for the first time they were going to have to trust complete strangers to take care of their disabled child who is dependent to have someone get them ups in the morning, shower, dress, get to class, etc…”. They fought numerous battles with schools and governments to give me this opportunity…now…we were all vulnerable to what was going to become our new lives.

I had a huge amount of anxiety just dealing with going away for school like all other kids do. Away from my family. Away from all my friends. Away from the only town I have ever known to move to a new city.

I went away. I handled the harder academic workload. I trusted and managed my personal care. I learned to figure out how to manage to go shopping to buy shampoo and food. That magical shampoo bottle I had growing up at home that never ran empty did not come with me. My magical fridge that miraculously replenished itself with more food was also left behind.
I learned. I overcame. I was lonely. I made lifelong friends. I have amazing experiences, some of them make me appreciate that I went to university pre-smartphone and social media era. I made mistakes. I got opportunities. I became me.

I have multiple degrees and a diploma as I’m a lifelong learner. However, what I learned about myself, resilience, and independence far exceeds my academic achievements.

Thank you mom and dad. We did it. I love you.

Confessions of a Rolling B@st@rd - The Need for Speed

February 24, 2018 by Dave Dame in Blog Post, Motivation

In my previous post I talked about the whole operations of recruiting/training/managing my personal care to get out the door each morning to work as a professional with Cerebral Palsy. Now I will share my commute.

With my recent expanded role, I am spending more time in the downtown office which makes it easier to get to work. Although I have to take an extended journey as not all subway stops are accessible, I have found a new exhilarating sport…slalom pedestrian racing!

When I get off the subway I have to roll from one end of the Eaton Centre (huge mall) to the other. With the super waxed flooring it is the perfect opportunity to dial up my power chair to top gear, full throttle.

At 7:30am the mall congestion is light enough to make top speed possible, but enough congestion to make it irresponsible.

With my headphones blaring ‘Bulls on Parade” I blast off! I love the feeling the wind against my face. Things blurring as I race past them. I love how people jump to the side when they hear me coming up on them. Oncoming traffic (people) that are in my path look at me with fear as they are not sure that I will be able to swerve around them. The truth is that I don’t know either…I’m just trying to beat my previous time of 3 minutes, 23 seconds. As a coach, I help people face their fears...so I'm just doing pro bono work in the morning.

I have learned that if I keep my swerving tight that I get a way better time. This means I just graze their coats. I see them saying something to me as I fly by…but my music is blaring.

As I proceed to the PATH the hallways narrow, more people, with rolling luggage….that’s when the fun doubles. There are people that always try to squeak through the individual doorway. These people are the brave. If I hit you there is a good chance one of us will be hurt…I like my chances.

Once I make it to the office my brain is clear. Ready to start my day.

Find the joys in life no matter what your circumstances or limitations you have. It's there if you look for it.

*Disclaimer* - there has been no able bodied people harmed in racing to date…but the journey continues.

A Story of a Professional with a Disability - Moonlighting on the side...

February 11, 2018 by Dave Dame

Being a professional with a disability is like working two careers:

* The one I get compensation for - leading organizations to adapt continuous change.

* The other career - managing an organization of personal support workers to allow me to have a full life.

This post about the later, managing my care. Recently I came to the realization that not every professional in the world has to deal with this…and it is a very stressful activity. Before I go any further, I recognize that everyone has things to do in the morning to start their day…and I’m not saying mine is more, rather unique.

With my Cerebral Palsy (CP) I need help getting up in the morning to get out of bed, dress, help with my workout, shower, shave, and dress for work. I hire personal support workers to help me with this. Although my wife assists me in emergencies and vacations…I prefer to keep the role as wife and support worker separate. I am responsible to recruit, interview, hire, train and manage my support workers. I have a well refined process or each step in my morning routine which requires details that if they are overlooked is the difference between an ordinary day and a disastrous day.

There are a lot of great personal support workers out there. The challenge is that I can only offer 5.5 hours a day. I’m competing against other employers like nursing homes, group homes, etc. that can offer full-time hours, benefits, and a lot of flexibility for time off as they have a full staff of people to cover one another. I employ 2 personal support workers that coordinate time off with one another.

I have a huge need for reliability and dependability for the morning shifts. Being a professional, I cannot miss work unexpectedly or be late as it might be weeks or months before I can get back in Executive’s calendars or make decisions in important meetings.

My day starts at 5am. When I mentioned the details, the margin of error in aligning my shirt, pants, underwear is millimetres. It’s the difference between being comfortable all day & able to use the washroom and pressure sores, being uncomfortable all day, and washroom accidents. Once I leave for work, I’m locked in until I get home…I don’t have the luxury of adjusting clothes myself throughout the day.

I need the trust that someone will show up…on time. If they are late it causes instant anxiety as I am trapped in bed and my wife has to start rearranging her morning to backfill.

A few weeks ago, one of my helpers gave their notice. They had a full-time offer somewhere else. Although they gave two weeks notice, it was a week before I left for vacation. Immediately I had to post a job description on job boards. My best case is that I would have someone selected before vacation and onboard/train them when I returned from vacation. I received 40 resumes, screened them, and conducted phone interviews to decide who I would bring in for a face to face interview. I conducted 28 phone interviews describing the role and emphasizing the need for dependability. One person said, “5am is a little early for me, can I do 9am?”. Unfortunately, my Cerebral Palsy wakes up when I do…so I passed.

The week before vacation I managed to schedule 4 interviews with my wife and me. It’s important to have my wife involved in the selection process as these people will be in our home. None of them showed up. I left for vacation and extended the job posting.

When I returned I screened 45 resumes, 20 phone screens, and scheduled 4 face to face interviews. Only one showed for their interview. Luckily, this candidate had experience working with a professional with a disability.

This week they start and I had to put a schedule together for training. This week I have critical meetings and presentations first thing 3 out of the 5 mornings. Luckily I found 2 consecutive days that I can afford to be late. Training causes me the biggest anxiety in the process. I have to be ‘on’ and sensitive to articulate and explain every detail of showering, dressing , etc. The morning routine will be 50% longer. I will be incredibly vulnerable as I will be naked in front of someone that was a perfect stranger only days ago. I will likely be dropped, fall down, and be pinched.

Vulnerability of being exposed and defenseless

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. After a couple weeks this will be a common routine to the new worker and it will be our new normal. Until they move on to a job with more hours…than it starts all over again.

This is my normal. I’m not complaining as this allows me to go to engage with my passion and work with a lot of incredible individuals. All of the above has made me the leader and change agent that I am today. These skills and experiences has gave me the grit to build great products and organizations.

I am so thankful to all my co-workers and boss who immediately asked what they could do to help me through this difficult time. Their offering of support made me forget about what I was going through for a moment.

I am blessed for my amazing wife. Without her support and love…this would be unbearable.

Now I need to spend some time preparing this week for the job I get paid for. Until next time...