A Degree in Independence - Post Secondary Crossroads

This is the time of year where soon to be graduating high school students learn which Universities or Colleges they have been accepted in.  They now have to make the gut wrenching decision of where to go.  They will look at many factors - programs, reputation, scholarships/bursaries, etc.

This made me think back to when I had to make the same difficult decision.  In addition to what other kids had to consider, having Cerebral Palsy, using a power wheelchair, and needing to find personal care to help me shower, dress, etc.  This made the decision even more incredibly difficult.

I was torn between my loves of Computer Science and Business.  Also, what was seeming attractive was to take a year off to discover myself like some of my other friends.  I was really struggling.

My dad was watching me struggling to decide.  He said, “Let’s be real, your not going to be a policeman, fireman, or construction worker.  You know what else your not going to be?  Living under my roof for free the rest of your life!  You better decide.”

My dad had a way to be direct and real…

Only now I can appreciate what anxiety my parents were going through.  Not only were they going to have their youngest leave home to start their life journey, but for the first time they were going to have to trust complete strangers to take care of their disabled child who is dependent to have someone get them ups in the morning, shower, dress, get to class, etc…”.  They fought numerous battles with schools and governments to give me this opportunity…now…we were all vulnerable to what was going to become our new lives.  

I had a huge amount of anxiety just dealing with going away for school like all other kids do.  Away from my family.  Away from all my friends.  Away from the only town I have ever known to move to a new city.  

I went away.  I handled the harder academic workload.  I trusted and managed my personal care.  I learned to figure out how to manage to go shopping to buy shampoo and food.  That magical shampoo bottle I had growing up at home that never ran empty did not come with me.  My magical fridge that miraculously replenished itself with more food was also left behind.  
I learned. I overcame. I was lonely. I made lifelong friends. I have amazing experiences, some of them make me appreciate that I went to university pre-smartphone and social media era.  I made mistakes. I got opportunities. I became me.

I have multiple degrees and a diploma as I’m a lifelong learner.  However, what I learned about myself, resilience, and independence far exceeds my academic achievements.

Thank you mom and dad.  We did it. I love you.  

Patience is for those that have time to waste…

Last week I posted pictures for Throwback Thursday (TBT) of when I was a teenager at Woodeden, an Easter Seals Camp.  This brought back memories of special people that are no longer with us.  Combined with deaths I have had to deal with over the last few years it really hit me hard and got me to reflect on my life.  Why do I go through all the struggles...only to come to the same end?  My journey on this earth will be quicker than most...this is the life I have...some people believe in a ‘next life’ of where things might be easier or better.  I’m not willing to die to find out. I’m not patient because I only have a finite amount of heart beats.  I’m not patient because I have a lot of living to do during this time of being alive..

I'm alive for my parents who worked their asses off to ensure that I would have the opportunities to live a life worth living.  Who taught me the value of hard work, resilience, and the grit that I would need to keep picking myself up every time I was knocked down.

I'm alive for my passion towards building enterprise agility by harnessing the skills and talents of the people that make up those organizations.  Working with the creators of frameworks that has given me a career where it does not seem like work because it's my passion.  The people and organizations  I've have or had the opportunity to work with to watch them grow and achieve what they did not think was possible.  This passion leads to my obsession… Each of which takes a turn in the driver seat.

I'm alive for the experiences: Love, loss, success, failure, anger, frustration, sadness, happiness, first times, routine, pain, and pleasure.

I'm alive for my friends. It does not matter how much time goes by that we still have the connection, the relationship, the closeness to share these things we experience while being alive.  All of you mean so much and have given me awesome memories and continue to accompany me on my journey. To pick each other up, to push each other, to support each other, to make sure were not alone on the big stage of life.  In your eyes you see me, not what restricts me.  

I'm alive for my wife who is the center of my universe.  The person that is brave when I no longer want to be.  The person that help support my passion and puts up with my stubbornness.  The person that I can put my wall down, to just feel.  The person that I want to share everything I experience from being alive with.  The person that if I had nothing, with her I would still have everything.

Tomorrow is not promised...so I'm impatient and want to live today. I push myself to embrace change, seize opportunities, experience things as fast as I can.

Death won’t take me alive

Week 1 - Crip in The Big City

My first week in the city has been an awesome life experience.

Monday morning rolled around with Kelly getting me up and ready for work. This was the start of a new chapter for us.

What do you worry about the first day of a new job?

I did not have concerns about my job, rather concerns that the environment would be suitable to my special needs. I know I will rock my job… It is my passion, talent, and I'm not afraid to work my ass off. My biggest concern was whether I could go to the bathroom independently. Using a new bathroom, going through this basic routine in a new environment is about as high risk as you get being a crip. I have a love for dry pants. To prepare for this, I started reducing my fluid intake on Sunday night. I only drank 5 ounces of water between Sunday at 8 PM until I went to the washroom my first time at work. Once I went to the washroom in the new environment for first time… I drank as if I just came back from a month long journey in the desert. These are the type of details I have to worry about when making a job change.  Who will help me with my coat?  Who will help me getting my water glass refilled?

Thanks to a good friend (my work sister) she made sure that the environment was going to be accommodating as possible. All the specific details that most people have to worry about were taken care of. She put the fear of god into building management to ensure all my accessibility needs were met. With this taken care of… I could focus on the task at hand… Just doing my job.

Empowering Moment

On Wednesday, for the first time in my life, I was able to get to work (6 KM) independently to the office. I have accomplished a lot during my life, but this was truly one of the biggest life events I will cherish. For as long as I can remember I have been a slave  to depend on people bring me places. In Toronto, I've experienced of freedom that I did not think was possible.. I'm able to get anywhere in the city (wherever the subway goes) completely on my own. I have trouble navigating the swipe card for my subway pass, but there are always people there to help me swipe the card to get through to the train.People don't think the subway is glamorous...but I feel like a star.

On Thursday, my brother-in-law invited me to attend the Raptors game in his company's executive suite. I was able to travel from work to the ACC completely on my own. Nobody had to pick me up… I can just get there on my own. Although the raptors did not win the game… I was a winner! The winner of independence.

Rebuilding

Moving cities meant that I had to say goodbye to my current support workers and begin hiring a new staff in Toronto. We have had for interviews for people within this week. Our strategy is that we will hire all of them and said the weakest amongst them. Kelly has done an awesome job in training as we onboard them. Hopefully, in the next month, life will return to a new normal.  

My wife has been phenomenally supportive from orchestrating our big move in 5 weeks (3 weeks with me out of country for work) and providing me love/support/care during this transition before she resumes her career.  I love her with everything I have.

People Don't Always Suck

The common thread in this first week of living in Toronto was the awesomeness of people. The news tends to highlight all of all the horrible and terrible things that people are and do. We seldom hear about how awesome people can be. This week was awesome because of all the support from my wife, family, former colleagues, and new colleagues.

New colleagues quickly began helping me with my coat in the morning in the evening. These new colleagues were checking in to make sure everything was okay.

Change is hard for everyone. I have to be more concerned about basic needs than most. However, it doesn't mean that I should not embrace change and move forward. I can let the fear of change relating to my basic needs hold me back...or I can have the courage to trust that I can be resilient within the community of awesome people to move forward.

I read somewhere that a community can be measured by how they treat their members. So far, in the first week, I am in an awesome community.

Stay tuned, as the journey continues.